Christina and John

We started trying to get pregnant during the summer of 2016 and we were able to conceive the first month. Unfortunately, we had a miscarriage a few weeks into the pregnancy but we were not overly concerned at that point as we had been able to get pregnant easily.

Over the next two years I had 4 miscarriages, all around the 6 to 7 week mark, as well as a few chemical pregnancies. With each one, my mental health took a toll. We were being followed by a fertility clinic and given progesterone supplements and there did not seem to be a reason why we kept miscarrying. While we were thankful to be patients at the fertility clinic, we also found the ultrasound monitoring increased our stress levels. Seeing our baby on the ultrasound screen just before losing it made things so much harder.

Every time I miscarried I was told “miscarriage is common”, and that 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage but to me, seeing other pregnant women around me, I felt like I was doing something wrong. How could I always be the 1 in 4? I was also told a miscarriage feels like a period, and to just take Tylenol. A miscarriage is nothing like a period. You have mild contractions until the tissue is passed. Even at 6 -7 weeks pregnant, it was very clear what tissue was the sac and cord.

I had started doing my own research into recurring miscarriages. The fertility clinic could not find any reasons why I was miscarrying, and I wanted more information. After my 4th miscarriage, my mother found out she had celiac disease. I decided to get tested, and found out I was borderline celiac and so during the next pregnancy I tried to limit my gluten intake.

That 5th pregnancy and miscarriage made it past 7 weeks. We had been able to see our little Jellybean on a few ultrasounds. During the last ultrasound, the technician used what I thought to be too much pressure with the wand and her hand, in an attempt to get a better view of my fallopian tubes. I started spotting immediately after and miscarried a few days later. I was told by my doctor that it was “for the best” as Jellybean was measuring a couple days behind. Once again, we were left heartbroken as we had hoped Jellybean would be our rainbow baby.

Following that miscarriage, I spoke with the doctor and asked more about my borderline celiac results. He agreed I should try going gluten free, because my mom is celiac. I immediately cut out gluten and we took a couple months off trying. Then exactly 2 years after my first miscarriage, I got pregnant with my rainbow baby, my firstborn. Throughout the pregnancy, I was so scared to lose him.

After losing Jellybean, I was given a butterfly box. It had information about the Butterfly Run. We signed up for the run and participated when I was 8 weeks pregnant. When I first arrived at the Butterfly Run and saw everyone there, I just stood there and cried. Surrounded by people who understood what I was going through, I no longer felt alone. I wrote that we were running for our 5 babies on the banner and it felt so good to acknowledge them.

We waited until the end of the second trimester to buy anything for our rainbow baby. I was worried we would jinx it - I never felt he was safe in my belly. He is now 6 years old, and we love him so much!!

The cemetery where my grandmother is buried has a spirit garden for miscarried babies. One time when we were visiting, we decorated a spirit house to represent our 5 babies. It is such a beautiful spot in the trees with wind chimes and so close to my grandmother’s grave.

I was tested again last year, and found out I have celiac disease. I was on medication for my anxiety for 5 years after my rainbow baby was born.

If it wasn’t for my mom finding out she has celiac we might never have been able to have kids earth-side. I had lots of testing done for recurring pregnancy loss but celiac wasn’t one of them.

It took years, 5 miscarriages and many chemical pregnancies but we finally have two babies earth-side. One day we will tell them the story of their siblings in the sky.

Christina & John

💚 Sponsored in part by First Response Canada

This 1 in 6 story is proudly supported by First Response Canada, whose commitment to fertility awareness and education helps us amplify real voices and real journeys. Together, we are changing the conversation around fertility in Canada—one story at a time.