Queenie

Infertility is often described as a journey, and that couldn’t be more accurate way to describe the steps it took to conceive our beautiful daughter, Ellie. It all started in May of 2012. Having been married for almost 2 years, my husband (age 31 at that time) and I (age 29) decided it was time to start a family. Having never been on birth control pills, we were ready to start trying immediately. After 10 months of trying naturally, I was ecstatic to finally see a positive pregnancy test, only to have spotting and cramping 2 days later. I was diagnosed with a chemical pregnancy and was referred to reproductive endocrinologist to see if fertility treatments were needed.

After a whole host of blood tests, ultrasounds and a hysterosalpingogram for me, and a semen analysis for my husband - all of which came back normal, we were given the diagnosis of “unexplained infertility”. This was frustrating to hear because if nothing “was wrong”, then what is there to fix? My doctor recommended that we start with the more conservative treatment of Clomid and IUI. 3 treatments later, no success.

It was time to bring out the big guns: IVF. My husband and I were incredibly excited with the prospect of IVF since it seemed like it would give us a real chance of conceiving, instead of just shooting in the dark. However, my doctor suggested that we do one last ultrasound to monitor a seemingly harmless cyst on my right ovary. It had grown. He said that it was common especially after using the fertility drug Clomid. But that wasn’t all. He couldn’t seem to locate my left ovary on the ultrasound. With the right ovary already compromised with the cyst and the left ovary MIA, my doctor decided it was best that I have a laparoscopy to see what was going on inside my body. The laparoscopic surgery revealed that I have severe endometriosis and that the so-called missing left ovary was in fact adhered to my right ovary. Endometriosis often goes undiagnosed, and, sometimes the first time a woman is suspected of having it is when they have difficulty conceiving.

My surgeon removed as much of the cyst as possible and tried to reposition my reproductive organs into their appropriate locations. When I got my first period after the surgery, I was cleared to go forward with IVF. Because of my newly damaged ovaries, my doctor had me on the highest dosage of egg growing medication for someone my age, and despite that, they only retrieved 5 eggs, 3 of which fertilized and only 2 made it to a 3-day transfer.

10 days after transfer, we were cautiously excited to find out that I was pregnant. Both embryos implanted! TWINS!! However, only one of the embryos developed into a fetus. I had a wonderful pregnancy with only one complication. I had placenta previa that caused me to hemorrhage at 35 weeks pregnant and I had an emergency c-section to deliver our daughter Ellie. She was only 4lbs5oz when she was born, but healthy. We couldn’t have been more relieved to hear her first cry.

It took almost 2 years for us to conceive a baby with the help of modern medicine. Those 2 years were the most emotionally painful years of my life. I can hardly remember the pain of the laparoscopic surgery and C-section, or, the fear of the self-administered IVF shots, but I will never forget the bitterness and loneliness that I felt. It seemed as if everyone was pregnant. That they were all able to do something that should come so naturally. Everyone, except me. I was told over and over again to “just relax”. I found that to be extremely insulting because that implied that it was my fault that I wasn’t pregnant yet. That I was doing something wrong. When in fact I have a medical condition that prevented me from conceiving.

I wanted to share my story because I hope it can ease a little bit of the pain for those whose journey is not yet over. To those who are still in the midst of their own battle against infertility, I want them to know that they are not alone.