Katherine and Greg
We would like to ‘come out’ so to speak. We came out to all our family recently, after being both diagnosed with infertility, a few years now for my husband and about ten for me. My mother has been so very supportive and our few friends are very accepting we think. Greg’s family is another story. He is new to this and I admit I have been trying to shield him from criticism, it’s easier for me. We don’t have a lot of friends or family, but the people who have stayed and been encouraging are like gold to us. When a couple goes to the many insane appointments getting poked and prodded and dealing with the pills that make you extra crazy, it puts a lot of strain on the couple, and if you don’t have any family or friends supporting you it’s really hard to keep going, especially when the unexpected happens. We went into this knowing I was diagnosed at 22 with PCOS, but once we did the IUI’s and someone finally said to us ‘you know his sperm is at about %1 chance right?’ we just were shocked. No one asked Greg to do a physical or anything, and this is about 7 months into the testing and the pills and then the IUI’s. No one even thought to check his sperm. I wish I could take it all on so he could never have felt what it’s like to have stigmas put on him by people he never thought would walk away from his life. I have stayed in the shadows hiding this from most, but still I can take on a lot of what others say because the only people who matter to me are people who love me and I love back. The general public’s opinion of my infertility was just that, an opinion. With him he is a strong man inside, always the rock for me, but when he told the people in his life, most just walked away. He won’t admit just how he feels but I know it. I felt completely horrible for encouraging him to be honest with the people he loves, but a good friend of ours last week told me something that changed my perspective. He stood up for me. I was getting the shaming, blaming, everything. He went and told these people that it was mostly him. My husband stood up for me, and right beside me. I love him for that right this moment.
So our story is still ongoing. We were financially ready last year to do IVF, but the plumbing went in our home and when they were fixing it found out half our house was about to fall off the rest of the house, all our savings, line of credit and credit cards went bye-bye. Now we work hard on getting paid off and know we together will be able to afford IVF when I am about 58. My mother said she would help, but because of financial stability she has not be able to help. So I wrote my father, the man who has a complicated past with me. I love him, but well that’s another story. So Greg and I wait to hear anything from him. All we can do is tell our story, hope others don’t feel ashamed about who they are and maybe we will win the Lottery!!
You always have hope, even on the darkest days. Infertility, depression and anxiety are what I battle every day. But my husband is my best friend, my mother is a shoulder and my very few friends are always there. It’s hard for us to see friends and family pregnant, having families. We want to be happy for them but sometimes all you want to do is hide in a dark room and cry. But we can’t do that every day. We have each other, that’s the most important thing to us. So my advice if you face what we do, is to hold each other, laugh no matter how bad you feel and act like a child with your partner!! There is no better feeling then knowing you have a best friend for life who loves you for you and the little ‘broken bits’ that are inside you.
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